I Should Not Feel This Path Chapter 1


April 7, 2011


I am a runaway, lost at sea.

I am broken a bird, longing to fly free.

I am a sinner, unworthy and unholy.

I am a rose, slowly wither.

I am a raindrop to touch her cheek.

I am a child playing hide and seek.

I am nothing, and yet I am everything.

I am contradiction and complexity.

I am a face with one hundred units.

I am Love, and I am looking forward.

I am the voice that was not communiquer.

I’m a melody, haunting and sad.

I am a soul that slowly become crazy HAS.

I am death in a living body.

I’m a dangerous opium poppy.

I am anger, running through my veins.

I am bread, bound in chains.

I’m isolation, imprisoned in my head.

I am abandoned and left behind.

I am tenderness, soft and friendly.

I trust, naive and blind.

I regret, broken and frozen.

I am the way, I did not vote.

I’m sorry, in an ocean drowning

I am of the belief, for devotion longing

I’m mad, rebellious and wild.

I’m sanity, stored securely.

I am wisdom, cursed and blessed.

I am a name, the burning in his chest.

I am a travel destination unknown.

I have become a heart to stone.

I am always alone …

… Forever alone.

A last tear smeared her diary before it closed closed, and turned off the lamp.


When I tell people how old my relatives are they laughing usually at the end to think that I am joking or pulling your leg. I tell ’em, and if I’m not, I get the following response: "Oh … okay …" And then an awkward silence. Everything feels uncomfortable after that, I like to explain how this happened.

My mom and dad were young when you had me Sixteen, to be exact. Most people would ask, "What the hell did you think at that age Sex Which households were you raised in?" Well, if you are a horny, hormonal teenagers and unsafe sex practice, pregnancy care pass your upbringing.

Emily Rose Miller and Noah Mason Hunter her first child born in the world on April 6, 1995: a healthy baby girl, her father ocean had eyes and a full head of dark brown hair. They called her aria Sophia Hunter. And the little girl was me ….

For the first four years of my life, I lived with my maternal grandparents. My father-Cam from a very wealthy family, and they were heard against pregnancy from the moment they thereof. They offert my mother parents a lot of money to persuade my mother to get an abortion.

Purpose that does not happen because Grams and Granddad were strict, devout Catholics. Those Regardless of the additional numbers that have been added to personal checks ALTHOUGH and they were disappointed in their daughter, they had to let go, that they do not cancel.

The plan was to give me up for adoption after-I was born, finish as fast as my grandma in her arms held me, they love. I was brought up for a while from my grandparents and my mother rarely saw … never saw my father either. Emily was too busy being a teenager INSTEAD to take responsibility and take care of me.

Gran always had to remind me that they do not mean "Mama" Because I had picked up the habit of thinking that she was.

When my father finally turned eighteen, he separated from his family and decided to increase the plate and marry my mother. His goal they refused proposal because she was already engaged to someone else; my drunken, abusive stepdad, Robert Mitchell. Of course, I did not at the time know all this. I was too young to understand yourself how the world works.

Rob, Mama, and I ended up moving to a grungy old apartment in New York back in ’99. We made the big move from New Hampshire Because Mom to pursue their dreams as a designer in the fashion industry wanted. Rob made all its thesis that he promised never managed to hold and operate in liquidation at retail, while my stepdad is held a job as a mechanic.

His Rundown War garage near the rough side of Manhattan.

Life was depressing to say the least. I grew to care WITH my two half-sisters, and Mom and Rob constantly fought over money, his drinking, his failed promise, and its extreme forms of discipline. To simply, I did not have a good relationship with my parents. My stepfather treated fairly at me as if I did not exist, and when I got on his radar Noticed it was usually because he was mad at me not to do right for my duties.

Selon _him_, I was a constant fuck-up, and he made sure to drill into my head that was daily.

I knew nothing of my own father. All my life I was raised to believe that he did not want me. It was not that I discovered until the beginning of my last year the truth.

My life changed abruptly after, and all I ever think about the rules of attraction Knew went right out the window.

~ ~ OOo

It was a cold and rainy autumn evening, and I was curled up in a blanket on the living room sofa. The radiator was broken, so I wore two woolen sweater and a pair of Ugg boots. The apartment was freezing, qui made it difficult for my school to concentrate.

Terry and Tiffany were strangely quiet probably because they glued to the TV, watching cartoons. My siblings were fraternal twins, seven years younger than me. I loved ’em to bits end, they definitely got on my nerves, if they wanted.

The math homework, that was sitting on my lap was not too busy myself so I blew on my hands and rubbed ’em together, before I added my pencil to complete the equations. That’s when the phone status. I had expected it to be my Grams because she called usually on Thursday evening Expired check myself.

Purpose was not it. An unknown voice that belonged to a man, it was the other end of the line reviews. He was asking to speak to me to ask. When I _him_ Told who I was, there was the longest pause before he replied: "Aria … I am your father, Noah."

Needless to say, I was shocked. While all of the 17 years of my life, I’d thought that my father never loved me and had damaged abandoned had deliberately me and my mother. It did not help that my grandparents always-trash Talked _him_ and his family. I was made in any way, shape or form to have a chat with _him_.

So I hung up.

Ten seconds later, the phone again ranked. Was my heart one mile trembled a tiny race and my hands.

Muster up all the courage I could find, I made my confrontation and picked up the receiver.

"Stop calling me that! I do not want to talk to you! I know-not yet you!" She had tears in my eyes, and I felt so stupid for getting emotional.

"Aria, wait! Do not put on, you hear me out, I-"

"No!" I Wiped my tears and angry looked out the window. "You Waited to see all the time that I? You are 17 years too late!"

"I …"

Target I did not want to hear his apology. I Told _him_ made before separating again. How did that happen? Why was this done? What did he want from me?

The only information my mother had ever given me of my father was that he was her high school sweetheart, she opened at sixteen and take responsibility avoided as have shoulds-done.

I could not study. I could not eat. I could do nothing.

I had to come home, so mom that I could be one of Operation Truth Serum in action phase could. She had all the answers to my questions, and I deserved honesty. Why was Noah Hunter seeks me suddenly out of the blue? I could not do on my own to figure it out there.

I had to wait for Mom.

~ ~ OOo

Well, I waited … and waited, constantly staring at the ugly bird clock had Rob, my mother got about ten Christmases past,. I was sitting in a chair across our small table, Trying my homework to finish, when the front door unlocked. It was seven o’clock, qui Rob meant that no more home would be three hours for the reviews.

My nerves were getting the best of me, I tried to want to stay calm, my mother came. She was only an inch short than I, framed thin, and her eyes were blue, fading to gray alabaster. Unlike my long, dark curls, her hair was short and wavy, and she had it ashy colored blond. Some retouching needs the roots. Her skin was very pale, purpose, which was to be expected during the winter season in New York.

Your best feature was her face. Regardless of the wrinkles, the buckling Began the end, she looked beautiful. My mother was the kind of woman who has not need make-up to turn heads. I could not understand what she saw in my stepfather really. He was not the most attractive looking man-slightly overweight, probably because of all beer he drank every day, and he had a lot of his hair (qui explains the large bald spot) lost.

His eyes were brown, his face was clean-shaven, and he had a hoarse voice, as he spoke. Rob Had a gambling addiction. He was aussi year alcoholics in denial.

"Hey, honey, you can help me with thesis shopping bags?"

I said nothing and stood up, grabbed a brown paper bag, and my mother followed in our claustrophobic kitchen.

"I make fettuccine Alfredo tonight. How does that sound?" She was chipper. However, I was not sure.

"Yes, that’s fine." I did not beat around the bush. "Mom, I gotta talk to you."

"What’s happening?" She started store in the refrigerator a few foods.

"It’s about Noah."

It could also come directly to the point, I thought.

"You know, I did not chat with your father like," she said.

"He called Expired before."

The eggs suddenly fell and cracked feet to my mother.

"Shoot! I did not mean to do that!" She looked at me with a worried expression on her face it. "Could you pass me a rag?"

I could feel this painful tension on us slowly, and it made me uneasy.

"I want to know exactly what you two happened entre" I said and sat on the floor and her broken Eggshells collect helped.

"Aria, I told you, we were a few crazy teenager in love. I pregnant with you, and he ran away from his responsibilities." She wiped the laminate floor, stand before cleaning the egg yolks.

"You did not tell me why."

"Why?" Mom repeated. "How should I know? Probably because de son psychotic family."

"How do you ever talk about it?"

"Because it’s a painful hand of my past, and you were too young to sit down and it-had to talk."

"I’m not ‘too young’ more. I’m seventeen and mature enough to know the truth."

"What did he want? As he has this number?"

"I know I had to let them speak _him_ not angry. I pretty much _him_ said go to hell."

"Good. I’d la même’ve done." She rinsed the towel in the sink and washed his hands.

"Obviously he wanted to get in touch with me." I have my arms folded on my chest and leaned my weight against the counter.

"I think it’s time to get that changed landline. I’ll talk to Rob about it tonight."

"Why do I feel like there is not much more you tell me?" I asked relentlessly.

"I have everything you need you know, sweetheart." Mom turned off the tap and met my gaze.

"Why do you want to swap our house number?"

I was not sure why I bothered by the was.

"He does not call up and harass another top."

"He was harassing me not, I just …"

Okay, I was not the type of defense, target it felt like I was. And that was screwed gravement with my head.

"Aria, I’m just trying to try to protect you."

My temper got the best of me, as I called out, "Who From what?"

"By him!"

"What did he do, Mom?"

"What did he do?" She scoffed. "The last thing I want is to have Noah show how out of nowhere, like the knight looking at shining armor, who has come to save the day, when in reality, the image of _him_ is an illusion. It are no happy endings in the Hunter family. Mark my words. "

"First of all, I’m not a damsel in distress, so please stop your personal feelings projected against _him_ to me. You are not the man together. I am. I have His surname, after-all-not half de son Gene to mention! "

"We moved from a base in New York. A new start, new beginnings."

Yes, and look how great that turned out, Mom.

"Listen to me, how to treat some little kid and me just say what you happened two entre! I deserve to know!"

My mother kept the food in the pantry and saw me putting away.

Beautiful teen Daughter Nina taboo with old dad …

"You want the truth?"

I said nothing and waited.

"Good. Here it is …" She took a deep breath, and then spoke in the most icy tone ever. "Olivia Hunter is a conniving, manipulative bitch who constantly disturbed in my relationship with Noah. They will depend on the destruction of life, and it is responsible mean for ruin. Her father get Tried joint custody of you when you were younger, he has always failed target the ordered short drug testing. "

I could not believe it. It burned to hear the last five words. "How long ago was that?"

"It does not matter," Mom answered.

"It’s me!"

She sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "They were five years old."

"And you the out of me?"

"What kind of mother would sit with her toddler and tell them that their father can not be in their lives, because it: a cocaine dependency has It was not a one-month custody battle like, Aria He had a terrible addiction for years God.! alone knows if he still does. "

"It would be a world have made a difference!" I cried. "Because at least I would know he had tried! At least I would not have-believing adult that he never loved me and would not let me!" My tears streaked down my cheeks when I stormed out of the kitchen.

"Honey, come back!" Mom called after my goal that I was too upset to continue the conversation.

I locked myself up in my room, trying to calm down. These evaluations was too much information at once. Was my mind reeling. Impulsively, I ond out the door, the phone picked up in the living room and tried to name the tracks. I needed to hear his side of the story.

I was sick to lied.

In addition to my unfortunate luck in life, the number was blocked, so I resorted to various resources and time hopped directly online. My only intention was to _him_ hunting. If my goal efforts fruitless. He did not-have a Facebook account or Instagram.


"Aria," Mom said, stroking my hair. "I’m sorry, I did not say. I was just trying to try to protect you. I am your mother, and I love you. You have to believe."

I have from my chair and noticed that she had tears in her eyes. It hurt me, she sad to see so, so I stepped over my anger and hugged her.

"Your father never leave you, Mom. You Grew never does to believe until he does not love you. That’s why it is so hurt, because he was not there for me." I quietly sobbed into her shoulder.

"I know, darling, I know. I’m sorry." She rubbed my back and kissed the side of my head, comforts me through the pain.

~ ~ OOo

As the days passed I had to would Noah and prayed to hope that you touch me again. End there were no calls. I knew nothing about _him_ ang than the few details had shared my mother with me.

I had no idea what his occupation was, where he lives, and if he is still an addiction to fight or not. Everything I had a long list of problems that had answers needed.

It was not until a week later that my mother was served with legal papers by Noah lawyer. Noah was to get her to court custody of me. When we sat at dinner on the following evening, the subject of my father was a trending Twitter hashtag Will: #DeadbeatDad.

"Why the hell is he trying to get custody now, finally thesis years?" Asked Rob, cut his chargrilled steak with a knife.

"It’s pointless if you ask me," Mom replied: Some pouring soda into her cup. "Aria is eighteen be in April. By then it will be a legal adult. He has to waste his time." She paused. "ALTHOUGH, I’m not surprised. He’s just trying to try to prove a point, that is why he take this study. "

"Well, it would not be so bad, the child had dumped him for a year out," My stepdad answered with a morsel of meat.

"That’s not funny." Smacked her his arm. "He was only joking, my dear," Mama Said, I calm with what seemed like a reassuring smile. Goal I knew better. Rob Did not give a crap about me.

"Chances are," Mom continued, "the judge is in our favor decide on the basis of Noah story with substance abuse. So I’m not worried." She grabbed the tongs and served some salad on Terry’s apartment.

I made no comment and listening. The whole place had me confused. I knew was that my thoughts and feelings were important when in the courtroom, to govern a decision, and frankly I had no idea what to expect next. Cam

~ ~ OOo

It was a bleak, Monday afternoon on November 5, 2012, when I joined my father in New York City Family Court and cam surface in the face. I swear I did not _him_-even realize goal I assumed he was the man dressed with dark curly hair in a blue shirt and follows. He sat beside à son younger lawyer. Both stood on it and looked at us when we went inside.

My father hardly me a second look, while his attorney just stared at me; He was in a dark gray that tightened down, and had short brown hair that looked freshly cut. I noticed that he was a very masculine jaw, with the most intense blue eyes I had ever seen. It was a perfect symmetry in his face, and he was tall, about six feet two.

For a man of the law, he was very nice and could have passed for a model. I felt a blush as his eyes followed me to my seat.

Why is not looking at my father? From what I could see, he came to have, not as good aged Compared to my mother, and had a bit of a paunch.

"Aria, I’m so sorry," the attorney said with tears in her eyes, and I could not understand why gold to make any sense of it.

Why would he be sad? Is he a close friend of my father? I wondered.

"Noah, sit down," said the other man. "Remember what I used Supervised? You get to your daughter at the appropriate time to talk. I promise."

Oh. My. God.

The man with curly hair and potbelly was not my father. He was the lawyer who Noah-the young man with the ocean eyes. How could I not _him_ Reconnu?

True, I had never seen a photo of my father … but still! Mother had kept no pictures of _him_, so I had no idea what he looked like. These eyes should have a dead giveaway Beens. How could I miss such a crucial detail? If I made a comparison entre my parents, looked much older definitely Mom.

Vivica gets her ass tapped

I think the hard times in life, they had aged.

My estranged father Kept looking at me while I held as an idiot blush. For some reason I could not pressed his gauze than two seconds. He looked far too young to be in his thirties.

The trial was long and tiring, as lawyers Both negotiating back and forth content Kept, each client of his own defense. When I finally stand Nahm, the judge asked me to say honestly what I wanted. Personally, I wanted to tell her that I do not feel safe at home, my stepdad That was always drunk and had to make a story out of me.

But my mother has sworn me had nothing to say, qui is why I kept my mouth.

The past few weeks had a few since I think the opportunity to think about what I wanted with my father. I was ready, the judge to say that I do not want to see him or live with _him_. Goal everything changed when I saw the way Noah stared at me. There was so much bread in his eyes … regret.

It was as if he had me I Knew purpose no idea who he was.

To my surprise, I had a complete change of heart. I told the judge that I always wanted to meet my father and have-have an opportunity to get to know _him_. I aussi that I prefer my relatives expressed both to share custody of me.

And so it was Ruled: my father (who I never met) had finally it obtained joint custody de son long-lost daughter. Noah Hunter that in my life. A shooting star was from the sky and landed in front of me like in the form of a man. He was nice.

He was to be flawless real. He has the feeling that I do not feel anything shoulds.

~ ~ OOo

author&# 39; s Note: Do you want to read the rest of this story? Click on my profile a link, or search for it on Amazon, you won&# 39; t regret it! 🙂

Copyright © 2013 by Mina Alexia (SweetestSins)

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any permit printed or electronic form, scanned or distributed. Please do not accept or piracy of copyrighted material in violation of the rights of the author to promote. Purchase only authorized editions.

Tags: love, romance, forbidden love, taboo

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